An Invitation to Self-Compassion
We’ve all heard the seasonal adage that “April showers bring May flowers.” Not only does the rain create an environment which enables spring flowers to bloom, but it also offers us a poignant reminder of the importance of self-compassion. If ever there were a time to be kind and compassionate with ourselves, it would be when we are grieving – and yet, we are often our own worst critics, telling ourselves stories about how we “should” grieve. We can be impatient with ourselves, believing that grief is taking “too long” or that we are grieving “incorrectly.” It can be hard to show up for ourselves with patience and a sense of self-compassion.
But what, exactly, does that look like?
To practice self-compassion asks us not to push aside, dismiss, or ignore our difficult feelings. Instead, we can practice the RAIN technique for self-compassion. The acronym RAIN asks us to recognize how we are feeling, allow those feelings to be present, investigate what they feel like, and nurture ourselves with understanding and care.
R – Recognize
A – Allow
I – Investigate
N – Nurture
Like in Rumi’s poem “The Guest House,” when we practice self-compassion, we are able to invite in the different facets of our grief and explore them with an open and curious mind.
The Guest House
by Rumi (Translated by Coleman Barks)
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
For more about grief and the supportive care Angela Hospice provides, visit our Grief Care page.
