“Life keeps going.” This simple phrase is one that is repeated over and over, especially when dealing with the death of a loved one. Though we would love for grief to pencil us in when it’s convenient for our schedule, that simply isn’t the case. As we know, grief can show up in a myriad of ways, and secondary losses can be just as detrimental in our day to day. So, what can be done when one feels as if they are drowning in grief?
Commonly, there is a sense of having no control when it comes to grief. This is also a fact of everyday life in general: we can’t control when our children become sick, when a tire catches a flat, when a day goes awry for any number of reasons. Couple that with the anguish grief can bring and one can easily find themselves in a spiral of emotions.
There are ways, however, to regain that control in moments where everything feels like too much to handle.
- Listen to your body: take careful notice of what you need in any given moment: rest, food and nourishment, exercise, time spent with loved ones… Don’t brush off any of those needs, because self-care is very important.
- Plan time for grief: This might sound a bit insane or maybe even counterintuitive, but it can be helpful. Taking a moment to reflect on your loss can be beneficial in regaining control. Scheduling in time in solitude for quiet reflection, journaling, crying, anything that makes sense to you will give you the time to feel the feelings the way you need them. This does not mean grief bursts won’t happen, but taking time to intentionally experience your emotions and process through them can put the control back in your hands.
- Unplug from the world: With the news of natural disasters, unrest, and everything else, it can become easy to try and take on the weight of the world. There is nothing wrong with turning off the TV or phone for some time during the day. Replace screen time with something soul-enriching, such as hobbies you enjoy, or time spent with family. If you must watch something, find a comfort show or movie you enjoy.
Whatever you do, remember to breathe and take things one step at a time. Being able to check in with yourself amidst the chaos is truly a skill that might take some time to learn, but once it is a habit, it will create space for peace and for healing.
